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stress is killing me but i aint doing anything about it
and so is my boils. i feel like dying everytime mom tries to get the ick out of it.
wtf am i gonna do if i get more when i'm overseas? budha help me.
mom's telling me to pray to budha for health and a safe trip.
she's worrying herself to death. poor thing.
i've bought my suitcase ( ridiculously expensive - but it's love - so sue me ) and my toiletries....
there's no way i can get my monies exchanged before i leave... no place actually has KWN or JYN in stock and have to actually have it sent to them - which could take time ( days ) which i don't have . -_- damn last minute jobs.
i have a funny feeling i'm worrying about the things i shouldn't be worry about and totally missing those that i should.
i think i'm also buying things that i shouldn't be too.... ugh!
this post is boring but what the hey. maybe it'd be interesting to read when i get old and grey.... and trying to remember what a dope i was back when i was " younger " .
“Procrastination is like Masturbation; In the end you're just screwing yourself.” - LOLS
what when where how?!?!?!?!?! i've never had them in my life and out of nowhere i get like 6 of them!! eeep!! get away get away get away!!
abscess=pus ( +++++++++++ ) + squeezing to get the seed and 'em nasty things out = pain ( x a bajillion ) + sticky smelly black tar-like stuff = anti-bs + sleep nights!
on top of that - i've not only had pimple outbreaks but also nose bleeds ! i can't even remember when was it the last time i had a nose bleed!
..... am i going to die?!?!?!?
---
p.s 9 days, 21 hours, 30 minutes as of now til i FLY!
----
bee sting cakes are harder to make then they look.
- the Mood:
disappointed - the Beat:This Song - 2AM
- Offically got handed my " Bachelor of Nursing " cert. oh yippee hurray.
~ [[ May 15th ]]
- Turned 21. boo!!!!
~ [[ June 18th ]]
- Xiao turned 21 too.
~ [[ June 30 - July 3rd ]]
- Went Surfer's Paradise with Jackie, Vy + Tuan, Lollie + Petter
- got my Tragus pierced... didn't hurt as much as i thought it woul. All up $60... only coz i wanted " swazovski crystal " ^^'
- Lollie's 22 now.
-------
" In twenty years you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. "
" A person is neither whole nor healthy without the memories of photo albums. They are the storybook of our lives. They provide a nostalgic escape from the tormented days of the present. "
.... grrr i can't find my fotos anymore!!! HELP i'm loosing my mind!!! or maybe it was already lost but i just haven't realised it....
- the Mood:
nostagic / annoyed
Yesterday marked the day i FINALLY got my 1st official sleep over at 21 no less -_-' - close friends, greasy and sickening sweet food, alcohol, bad movie and all.
It was also jing's farewell dinner for she is planning on going away to perth for 3 years for her phD ~
_______________________
morn : High Tea @ QVB
arvo: Marriane's house warming @
night : Kareoke @ Big Echo - Bathurst St, Outside Maloney's ( coz Lollie forgot her I.D) - George St, Superbowl ( C'town), Jackie's grandparent's place -
_______________________
p.s It was Valintine's day yesterday....
& with typical fashion, i spent it pondering ; Valintino - wherefore art thou be?
------
MY Eye Candy of the day : Matsuda Shota ( because the REAL men, just aren't good enough )
- the Mood:
blah - the Beat:East Wind Breaks - Jay Chou
Banx ' Centro ' : FAIL ( the boost was gud tho! ^O^)
DNS' party : .... awkward but the food was nice!
Xiao's place : banana paddle-pops & highschool musical ( UGH! way too much singing.....)
Strattie: green tea bingsu , various ice-coffees, chatting with the girls + being approached by some random k guy.....
for a more indepth recap of what happened saturday night - please refer to Xiao's blog entry .....
p.s ~ one word : T. R . A . I . T . O . R . S ~!!!!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
I've just realised, this night was the night that i managed to do one of the things i had wished to do for a long while ; to stay out late at night, underneath the stars with my close friends talking about everything and nothing, simply enjoying the company of each other.....
"True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and choice." - Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) British lexiographer.
- the Mood:
content
My. God.
See this is exactly what i had expected myself to have done. Except i think i was more vigilant than i initially expected, 'coz i was going at it hard and strong for at least a coupla months but, alas, my true (l-aa-zee & F-eee-kal ) nature won out after all.
The reason why i decided to start this up again was because i've been feeling real melancholic & nostalgic these days.
-----
So let's recap on the 1 year, 1 month & 2 days :
Nothing real significant happened really.....
----
PART I :
Feb 08 - 02 March 08 : Finally after 8 years, i got to go back to Vietnam!!
the Ups:
* being treated like a princess by Cua Po. My stay in Vietnam wouldn't have been truely enjoyable if it weren't for her, Cua Cung & San Dia. Imagine waking up in the morning and the first thing that greets you is her smiling face, " Good morning how did you sleep?" and a cup Mocha ( viet style) waiting ( still warm ) on the bedside table.
* Seeing everybody again after so long... especially grandma and everyone in Da Nang, Co 9 and Y and Duc, and the rest of my cousins.
* the sleep eat go out play eat and sleep some more routine
* Seeing and appreciating Vietnam more... got to see Ho Chi Minh, Binh Chau, Nha Trang , Da Lat and of course Da Nang. Wish i had more time to explore more...
* finally getting to do a proffessional photoshoot.
Grams + Aunties
Some of my nephs and nieces 
Non Nuoc Mt, Da Nang
The streets of H.C.M city was decorated so beautifully for the Lunar New Year ~
kekeke, me being a total tourist on one of the many decorations that littered H.C.M city's streets 2 celebrate the LNY.
The pitiful fireworks display on LNYE ~ 06/02/08
Me again posing on Flower Parade St @ 0130Hrs XD 
Me posing ( yet AGAIN ) near some really pretty statues in one of the 10 temples on LNY day ~ 07/02/08 
pretty beach in Nha Trang
Fishing for alligators @ Binh Chau Hot Springs Resort 
@ Binh Chau Hot Springs Resort 
Ho Coc ( Coc Lake ) .... LOL!!!! XD
Pretty but oh so... pretentious! the Downs :
* Getting the hives on my tour to Nha trang & Da Lat...
* Water Logging my passport. Having to run around applying for a new passport AND visa, whilst trying to hide it from the rest of the family ( besides Cua Po ) with only a few days left til departure date. Which is why i ♥ my Cua po!! She's gotta be one of my most favourite person in the whole wide world.
* staying at co 6's place, and being stuck there for at least a week and not being able to go out before noon * sighs *
* not being able to stay at Grandma's place for longer.... aaaaaw i miss my grandma and anh chi !!
- the Mood:
nostalgic
... to clarify what i've just said : Tony's been counting since the beginning of the week
Mon : " 6 more days to go ... 6 more days to go ... 6 more days to go !! "
Tues: " 5 days to go ... 5 days to go ... 5 days to go "
Weds : " 4...... 4...... 4 "
etc
etc
etc!
drove us nuts, he did! & not just that - the kid was going around collecting K-mart , Target & other various adverts with toy sections in them and ever so "subtly " been pointing at one toy or another in front of either mom & dad or me.... * shakes head * sometimes i don't know whether to hug him and say your'e so cute or just give him a god solid smack across the head!
---
parents are so wierd & so hard 2 understand! today when i finally made up my mind and called in sick @ the hosptial - instead of being happy that i've decided to forgo my time & 3/4 pay and instead spend it with my family - they made me out to be some impulsive little girl who likes to play more than work... the both of them! >_<;;
i so wanted to call in & say that i've changed my mind then and there i swear!!!!! grRRRrrr!!!!
like i wanted to actually go to a stinking kiddy carnival in the first place!!! like i didn't really want to earn $230 bux in 1 night for doing next to nothing.... HA~! that'll teach me for being less money hungry next time! <_<
---
so anyways,
we (the Tran family & Tina & her dad ) went the annual OneSteel Christmas carnival
had heaps of fun, despite my initial sour mood ( no thanks to certain somebodies ).
got free ice-cream ( maybe a little too much >_<' ), BBQ steak roll ( uncooked meat yuck! should have stuck with the sausage instead! ) & softdrinks ....
there was this cute little farming area, with rabbits, hamsters, goats, roosters & a dog! i'm usually not a farm animal sorta person , but they were so cute, i fell in love after picking one up!!
Tina w/ shadow & me w/ Zorro - aren't they just adorable????
i look as if i'm about to pet the living daylight out of shadow here ... kekeke
^ i look like i wanted to eat / strangle the living daylights out of poor ginger! I
i wanna rabbit 4 a pet!!!!! * pouts * maybe when i get a house......
weee - unicorns are so pweedy!!!!
& since it seemed like such fun, we also got our faces painted - well me & tina did anywas, the boys got their arms painted . kekekke i think it was being around so many little kids, we ( T & i ) could't help acting one ourselves... it was fun though!
After we went to the temple & then onwards 2 our usual eating place - Sizzlers!
honestly, i think
Sizzler's makes the best Bread & Butter Puddings EVER i swear!
.... i ate so much that i felt so guilty - i didn't even eat the mango cake slice ....
well there's always tomorrow! =P
The day was beautiful... the sun was out, the skies were bluer than blue, the wind was blowing gently and the birds was chirping their sweet little songs....
-- NOT!!!
It started off with gloomy grey cloudy skies and rain, rain, rain... and MORE rain!!!!
The stupid weatherman had forcasted for fine weather and look what we got! some1 go and sack that man/ woman! <_<
After i got soaked getting to Tina's place, we got driven 2 flemington station where she told me the story about how she got robbed by an old woman. Amazing isn't it? i don't know whether to believe her or not, but as they say, innocent ( or in this case true ) until proven guilty ( false )... *shrugs* i guess i should just learn to less analyitical and just take people on their words.....
we rode 2 burwood where we did some of our shopping.
1st stop : Art Box!
we...
in the end, one left the store w/ a pair of black & a pair of pink ear-rings whilst the other left w/ only 1 pair of faux eyelashes.
2nd stop : Burwood Centro
window shopped - nuff said.
next stop : Central!
after walking up and down George St & C-Town, trying to decide whether to eat expensive @ some Jap place, eat less expensive @ the korean place in Capitol or eat cheap @ Superbowl...
we ended up eating @ Capitol. Note to self : they make nice Dolsot Bimbimbab & Soy Chicken + rice! must take Lollie * Annie there 1 day!
Coz of all the drama w/ her family and that that was happening over the phone whilst we ate ( some of which i do NOT want to get into ), we decided to go upstairs and visit tina's favourite place to visit when she's in the city - THE CLAW-PICKER-UP-ERER MACHINES!
and Oh my god, this was when Lady Luck decided to shine on us!!
we ended up winning a Hello Kitty Couple Set ( Jap Style ), 5 of those funny faced head vibrating dolls & 3 of those scary bears with long bloody claws!
imagine that!!!! we only spent around.... $15 all up!
man i soOOoooo didn't know that there was such a thing as the " asking the man to rearrange the toys " deal!!!
... i guess this is where you would say : well it's no bloody wonder you fricken got all of those toys! pfft! lady luck my hairy backside!
.... but still! keke i still got those toys * does the viictory dance*
weeeEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEee
the rest of the day was insignificant.... we went back to Tina's place, sat around , watched some Michelle Phan give Makeup lessons ( note to self : must look up " Michell Phan" on youtube ), hmmm what else....
oh yeah -_- how could i have forgotten, i had a really painful and embaressing session where Tina tried plucking my eyebrows, curled my eyelashes ( what litter there is of it )... applied fake eyelashes & applied liquid eyeliner....
hairloss is probably one of the No. 1 causes in Depression in the world i bet .... >___<
- the Mood:
victorious!!!!
What is up with me these days?? it's like everything is going going wrong... things in my life keep getting a big fat REJECTION stamped all over it....
1st it was the pentagram scholarship
then it was Dzia Dia's Visa
now it's my application for the new grad program
---
this is probably punishment for thinking ( unconsciously) that i'd get the job JUST BECAUSE i worked at livo....
for being overconfident
for thinking that if Joy & Sylvia made it into their harder to get in to and more smaller hospitals... then i should be able to as well....
for not putting enough effort into whatever it is that i'm doing...
it must be it... it must be because i don't try hard to do whatever it is that i'm doing
mom always said, in order to get anywhere you have to put in the effort and the hard miles.......
& i guess i just haven't been doing any of that lately....
---
now, i gotta go write a letter to the visa people in Aukland & get my citizenship confirmed
and wait for the final rounds from 5/11-25/11 to see if i get any final offers....
1 thing that keeps coming across my mind - what the heck am i gonna tell mom & dad if i don't get any final offers?! :(
it's yet another let down..... just like HSC repeated all over again.
---
25/02/09 :
reading my entries again, made me realise .... how much of a drama queen i can be.
“It doesn't hurt to be optimistic. You can always cry later.” - random quote of the day
naive and easily deceived or tricked
yep, that sounds like me alright....
am i just " making a mountain of a mole hill " ?
am i just being too emotional?
why do i feel like i want to believe him when he says that " I like you. I like you like the other Dzung likes me " .
but then again, the music always seems to come to a crashing holt...
★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★
Life is FULL of disappointments
.... but why did HE have to be one of them?
---
25/02/09
Again, wtf am i going on about?! how come i don't remember ANY of this?!
- the Mood: disappointed
MY COMPUTER!!!!!!
i almost died without it.
no computer = no drama + no internet = no life!!!!!
i had all this stuff i wanna do
now that i have it back i dunnoe where to start
youtube?
soompi?
facebook?
yahoo?
.... webct? ( ha ha )
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25/02/09
LOL this still applies to my life - nearly 2 yrs down the track! ... how sad!
i imagine what it'd be like
★ to hold his hand, and swing it like little child....
★ to rest my head on his shoulder....
★ to go on my tippi toes and kiss him on on the cheeks...
★ to just sit there and just watch him he talks to his friend
★ to turn around and catch him stare at me with THAT look in his eyes, like the one that Samshik gives Samsoon sometimes when she isn't looking... the one that is accompanied by a little secret smile ...
--
i sound so desperate, so stalker like.
what's wrong with me?
i guess ....
i'm "in-crush"?
---
25/02/09
who the fuck am i going on about?! someone enlighten me as to who this person can be?!
Even though you say that it's just another year, and isn't that special, but still, i felt it worth a mention coz i wanted to put this down to commemorate your offical change of status from psycho girl to wierd OLD BAT :P ... seeing as how you didn't feel inclined to update your LJ about this SPECIAL event, i decided to do it for you ^-^b
i can already see you cackling and say : and your turn will come soon muahahahhaa!!!!
- ♥ - ♥ - ♥ - ♥ -
This (very worth mentioning) event occured at Aurburn RSL. Lollie being the complete asian that she was deicided what better way to celebrate her 21st than to spend it stuffing our faces and getting our money's worth at a BUFFET.... JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKES!!! i didn't type that in a btichy way, i swear!! < Lollie: well you think of a better place!!!>
You know what, i think the main reason why she chose that place was coz of the 2 cute waiter guys < Lollie: well they're not THAT cute! > & coz she wanted to go play the pokies afterwards! Lollie you closet-gambler you!
13 of us was in attendance: birthday girl, pretty petter, xiao, mitch, jackie, jack, annie, vy, david, thuy, layphi and (of course :P) MEEEEEEEE!!
The food, in my humble opinion, is definately meidiocre. Sorry i wasted so much food guys < xiao says : think of all the hungry & starving children in Africa louise!!!!>
<~ chocolate cake, too bad no durian.. :PAh, i mustn't forget to mention the most embarssing part of the dinner. It when we were all singing the happy birthday song, and suddenly out of nowhere all we can hear was the happy birthday song blaring out of the speaker system. At that moment all eyes were on us, and all you could hear was the sounds of our semi-synchronised voices.
<~ aaah, young love...Afterwards we all took turns pretending we was Australian idols at Strathfield K. Behold we even managed to get Pretty Petter to sing! Poor david got frustrated coz his song either didn't start up or got cut off half way. heh!
<~ tamborine chicas
<~ guess who got that score...P.S: Seriously though, what is up with people and buffets these days?? Honestly my mom's probably tried all the buffet places there is in N.S.W, and so has my mom's bunch of chinese friends who live near us. I bet they've been there so many times, they've got a V.I.P card and the owners know them by name and face. They'll be able to tell you which one has the most number of seats, best view, best selection of seafoods too!
- the Mood:
cheerful
...was a HUMONGOUS, EARTH-SHATTERING, HEART STOPPING ... FLOP!!!!!
~> Daaayum caps + italic + bold + underlining + using large font still doesn't convey just how much a FRIGGEN DISAPPOINTMENT this yrs camp was!!!!!!!
i hope Richard isn’t reading this, but if you ever do, I’m sorry, but the truth hurts!!
----------------------------------------
3 days & 2 nights was spent :
--> @ Fitzroy Falls. Where you ask?... it's in the middle of friggen nowhere, with NO reception ( except on xiao's phone! gah! * does emoticon action above * ) & heaps of trees & grass & mud!
--> in a 1★ "cabin" with 3 1/2 other girls (Lollie, xiao & Trami oh! & X/2) , where; the heater didn't really work ( & i ended up freezing my butt off the first night ); the blankets provided looked like it had been used by i-don't-even-wanna-know-how-many people ~ some of which even left behind what looks like certain dried-up body excretions on them; there was only 1 ( admittedly BIG) bathroom ... but with only 1 shower head... so even IF we had enough room to WANT to SHARE, it would have been impossible!
OH! & i must add ( on xiao's behalf ) the not so impressive supply & quality of their toilet paper! xiao : " omg! it's only 1 ply ... it hurts my ass!! " ( <~ Lollie: LoL! me: oh sorry princess! )
--> playing indoor games with our fellow camp sufferers buddies. The interesting program included games such as: ice-breaker, trivia (go team National Liberal Party! ), evolution, humpty dumpty, fashion show, & some-more-but-i-forgot. Zilch outdoor activities (except for that taggy game out on the grass, but that doesn't count! ). They said it was coz the weatherman said it was gonna rain so they didn't organise any of the usual outdoor acitivities... (<~ all 3 of us: PFFFT!!!! ). Oh! & mustn't forget the last minute put-put ( ???o_oa ) game. Lollie: -20 something, xiao: -20 something, me: -25 + ... yeah baby! v ^-^'
tee-hee-hee, I think it's agreed that it'll be a while before any of us can apply for any professional level golf tournament...
--> eating mediocre oz style food. xiao: pfft! mitch's mom makes it waAAAaay better! me: but this ice-cream's goOOoood tho, do you think i can buy it when we get back home Lollie? Lollie: ...er... iono maybe?
--> trying to unsuccessfully find a candidate to fill in my future-bf slot. <~ LOL!! betcha all going : can you say D-E-S-P-E-R-A-T-E any louder louise?! Seriously though, i can’t get over the fact that there's not a SINGLE cute guy in attendance this yr... ( mumbles to self: at least last yr we had 1 or 2...)
----------------------------------------
Most Memorables:
* laughing til we had stitches about each other's constipated states. Sorry to those who aren't xiao & Lollie & don't understand how that could be remotely funny.... inside joke you see...
* triva night where team “National Liberal Party” ( i.e. Jack, i-forgot-his-name, Pretty Petter, Lollie, xiao & me) practically cheated messed up in all the categories and bonus rounds. i-forgot-his-name shouting out random incorrect answers to everybody, Pretty Petter spraying the front-row audiences with food in the wheetbix-eating contest, i-forgot-his-name spilling ¼, drinking ¼, and jack drinking ¼ in the water drinking round. We still ended up coming 2nd, we so totally rock!!! ^-^v
* playing board games ( taboo!) & cards ( Stop Kent! Go team X&L!). It’s all about telekinetics people! xiao, we’ve still got the Bib&Bub connection, haha- who would have thought?
* eating noodles < xiao says: luksa!....mmmm it’s got real beef, see? >in the corner in the middle of the night. Everybody else: got anymore guys? Us: NOPE! Piss off, go buy your own next time!
----------------------------------------
right, i'm off, but before i go- i shall leave you with a photo from last yr's camp in place of this yr's one til i get a hold of them....
^ there, standing in the middle of all the pretty swirly flames is one of the 3 brothers , can't remember which ( dude, it's been a yr, how am i s'posed to remember?!). This was on the second night, on the beach, when they decided to do a flame baton acrobatic show for us all. This was done using one on baton, maaaaaaaaaad stuff you say huh? =D
- the Scene:H-base
- the Mood: disappointed
- the Beat:TVXQ's: Show Me Your Love
whilst some where shivering and pulling their jackets closer to them as the wind blew threw the tree braches, i sat there and had felt warm all over.
because the tiramisu was heaven.....
---
I was meant to put in an LJ entry a coupla days ago, but wasn't bothered ( no suprise you say! )
With what's been a-happenin' the last coupla days ...I:
* ...met up with the mysterious XMAN. I shoudn't have been suprised, but i still couldn't help but be disappointed.
If only he wasn't so plain, and more importantly ~ if only he wasn't so fricken B.O.R.I.N.G !!!!!!!!!
* ....must add " KILL NANCY'S OLDEST BROTHER!! " to my " LIST OF THINGS TO DO " . The friggen jerk was the idiot that gave my number to Thanh ( XMAN) WITHOUT my permission, and didn't even have the friggen conscience to tell me about it. GAH!!! I'M GONNA MURDERLIZE HIM!!!!!!
*.... was disappointed with The Campsie food fest, it was a big POOP. The Entertainment was barely existant, The food lacked appeal especially that japanese pizza ( we only spent $11 each...) & the people - well there wasn't a single cute guy, 'nuf said.
* ....witnessed the Fruit-Loop side to Lollie. The crazy girl believes in the existance of U.F.Os & " Hybrids "and was trying to turn me into a believer as well by sprouting all this shit about the possiblity of " other life forms " on the many galaxies of the universe.. EEEK! Lollie, it may well be logical enough that if we exist in our galaxy, then other life forms can also exist in other galaxies across the milky way, unless i come across an alien and see it with my own four eyes~ I DON'T GIVE A FLYING PEANUT BOUTS U.F.OS & HYBRIDS, AND WILL CONTINUE TO LIVE IN DENIAL & IGNORANCE!!!!
* ....finally understood what they meant by the term " elbow grease ". I think i greased my elbow so much today,cleaning the shit off the benchtops and walls @ Astoris, that it's about to fall off! Jiff does shit all for grease. To get the job done you not only need elbow grease but lotsa skills AND the right equipment! ( says Beng)
On the bright side:
* i gave myself a consolation prize ~ a set of cute mittens. I did not feel a hint of guilt paying $29 for them either ... &
* I GOT SENT MY 4 WK BLOCK CLINICAL ACCEPTANCE LETTER !!!! wHoo-Wee! all the worrying and fretting and last minute typing paid off after all... now if only i passed all my end of sem exams....
<-- aren't they just FREAKING ADORABLE???---
Quote of the day:
Lollie-the-Fruit-Loop (pretends to use scary voice): Greetings human...
Me: It's " greetings EARLING you IDIOT! trust you to stuff up a well known line! <_<
- the Scene:H-Base
- the Mood:
bouncy - the Beat:Sweet Sorrow's : Sunshine
was spent stuffing my face with hot pot stuffs, aloe vera drinks & getting sick from the YUCKY baileys!
Coz my creative juices are practically non-existant....
yesterday's dinner 'party', which consisted of Xiao & Mitch and Lollie & Pretty Petter, can be summarised as follows:
1- 15 minutes spent on applying facials. The lack of sleep from the previous night on both our faces was just too apparent to ignore!
2- 1 hr's worth of walking back and forth in campc sourcing and buying the cheapest ingrediants possible. It's just too bad that no matter how much we tried, we ended up buying the expensive ones anyway...
3- Who knew we were that talented. Washing, cutting, peeling, slicing, dicing and organising all the edibles took up 2 whole hours....
4- 10 minutes waiting for Petter to grace our party with his Pretty presence at " 5 o'clock ". By 5:10, the food was getting stale and the people were starving....& so the party started off w/o him! That'll teach anybody who wants to come late to dinner at MY party!
5- 2 hrs were spent stuffing faces with various tofu, vegies, (mitch says: raw-BIP!), and lamb whilst watching first the gay man episode of The Simpsons and then Big Brother.
and the last 2 hrs was spent listening to each other's ( especially mitchel's) gay and off key voices on Singster.
---
In between washing dishes & laughing at each other and the people on t.v, the guys sneaked me my birthday present and my birthday cake.
---
All in all, yesterday turned out better than i expected....
it couldnt' have been that great if it weren't for you guys so.....
THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH... for everything!!!
---
i loved the present. it's so pretty!
i loved the cards. it made me feel warm & fuzzy all over.
but most of all....
i loved the fact that you all were there to celebrate the passing of another year of my life with me.
The Feast :: 
The Cake::
The Cleanup::
- the Scene:my living room...
- the Mood:
exhausted - the Beat:Anna Nalick's " Breathe"
"Make new friends but keep the old.
One is silver the other is gold...." - author unknown.
But gold it seems, is worth shit all when compared to the almighty and powerful GOD.
This quote above came from a poem & song which i had read long long ago, back when we all were still in year 8. i think.... and back then although i had thought it was meaningful, i had not fully grasp what it should have meant to me - to all of us.
Do you know what makes me feel sad? what makes me sad is that I've come to the realisation, that 6+ years of friendship ( and i really had thought it was friendship) could not compare to one month's worth of devotion obsession. The good times, the laughter, the memories.... could come to an end with a simple sms....
" Ok since you said that my friendship has stopped. I guess that i should say farewell to u. Take care and may god's grace be with u and i pray that god will bless in all areas of ur lives."
Do you know what i had wanted to do?
i had wanted to sms back and say : fuck U and ur FUCKING GOD. U BOTH CAN GO FUCK URSELVES. i don't need u 2 pray for me. i don't need or want his grace nor his blessings " in all areas of my life". He's gonna have his hands full trying to grace & bless u and ur fucked up life.
... but i couldn't bring myself to do that. Suprised huh? For all the huffing and puffing i've done up until now, you would never have imagined that instead of calling her up and swearing my ass of at her, instead of writing that sms, i had sat there and cried... and cried and cried some more. Instead of wanting to go and slap her until her head spun 360 and my hands hurt, i sat there and the only comprehensible words that came out of my mouth whilst i cried was "why?" & " But..."
Do you know why?
Because, as stupid as this may seem, i don't seriously swear at people who i care about. In the past i may say " fuck you bitch/ cow! " but that really is just how i express myself around you guys. To swear with real feeling at someone who i care about would, how do i say it? It would be like... I've downgraded myself and dirtied the person that i believe that i am. Funny huh? I don't care about swearing anymore and wouldn't bat an eyelash if someone were to say that i'm one fucked up bitch and i should get a life ( ... ok maybe i would -_-), but i hope that there shall NEVER be a day when i will swear ( and mean it ) at any one of my friends, bf or loved ones.... even in anger.
To swear at Annie, would mean that to me, our friendship and all that had happened in the past years had meant nothing and was worth nothing to me.
But it had meant something.... and was worth more tears than i had expected.
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When i woke up this morning, for the first minute or so, i had completely forgotten what had happened yesterday night. It was only until my wretched alarm decided to buzz to life, and after i flipped open my mobile to turn it off, that i had read that sms. When was the last time my head and the rest of my body had felt so heavy?
During my morning walk with mom, i found myself bombarded with random thoughts and memories.
Had i been such a horrible friend? Was i too manipulative? did i chuck too many shits at her? Was it because she's gotten fed up with just following along with whatever it was that the rest of us girls and decided. Was it because we all kept on refusing to do the things she wanted to do, go where she wanted to go? Was it because we didn't appreciate the effort she puts into putting together her outings? was it because i slammed the phone on her too much? Was it because i don't come to her home often enough, and when i do it's only coz i wanted to needed something? Was it because she felt left out coz me & Lollie seemed so close now? Was it because we just didn't appreciate and respect who she was? Was it because i lectured her too many times?
...was it me? had what i had done and said in the past brought on all of this?
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i had had this sudden urge to read my friendship book, remember the blue one i had made when i scared you guys with the news that maybe i might be moving house and moving schools? I had the biggest lump in my throat and tears in my eyes and i read all the little entries everyone did for me. We had seemed so... innocent. The cute and sweet messages were about how friendship between us would never end. That you'd all be there for me. The thanks for being my friend and letting me write in your book. The pictures of all of our smiling baby faces and all the different styles of writing and page decorations...
all had me 1/2 crying 1/2 smiling as i read and looked through it.
God how some things have changed over the years...
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(sighs) Well this is it i guess. This is where things must end. I don't want to think about it anymore. After this entry, i will refuse to be sad and to get angry about all this, all of it, anymore. This entry is my last tribute. The last one that i will rave on about
The " friendship " that crashed and burned...
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On the side note, man i look like shit. My eyes are all puffy, my hair is a mess - damn i need a facial and some shampoo & conditioner!
It was a good thing i couldn't take advantage of yesterdays situation when you gave me permission xiao
11:04:44 PM - xiao min: fucked if i do fucked if i dont said:
i give u permission to go eat some taro bread n eat the shell of the coconut peanuts
... otherwise i'd have had to walk another 2 laps at the park to lighten the guilt....
(sighs) the dishes waiting for me in the kitchen,the clothes waiting for me in the washing machine, & dirty floor waiting to be cleaned reminds me that although i may feel like shit and a part of me may have died, reality is - the world still keeps moving. and mundane things in life still need to be dealt with.
Just call me Louise the Maid.
25/02/09 :
since then she has offically been deleted off my msn list and practically deleted out of my life... apart from some random comments and hi's on the odd occasion we all do get to meet her and her bf out of her busy schedule life as god's socialite.
- the Mood: drained
- the Beat:Jewel's "Again & Again"
You've made a fool of everyone....
oh and it seems like such fun until you loose what you have won....
i must say, those lines pretty much sums up what i wanna say about the freaky experience yesterday night.....
Note to self : i must never ever (EVER EVER EVER!!!!!!!!!) join hillsong and their stadium of singing AND PREACHING loonies worshippers.
Annie, can i just say that you are starting to scare me more and more as i get to know you. i hope for your sake that this phaze of your life won't be one which you will seriuosly regret later on.....
If you really are reading this Annie ( which i doubt you will be any time soon coz you're too obsessed about your church and your fellowship and your services and your fundraising and do-good-for-the-community acts), don't take too much offense in what i say...
My excuse is that
a- Reading your ridiculous msn nicknames has made me turn GONZO. This may sound mean & bitchy, but honestly... WHY THE HECK WOULD YOU WANNA PUT THOSE COMMENTS ON IT FOR EVERYBODY ON YOUR LIST TO SEE? Do you not realise that , without a doubt, almost everybody is either shaking their heads at you or thinking you're such a sad case.. .or worse both??? Your nickames are enough of an indication of how far off you've gone. Seriously, before your nicknames were on the whacky side too... but to me they were just as whacky-ish as mine & everybody elses. Now, in terms of nickname whackiness - you've surpassed EVERBODY on my list!!!
b- You've turned into a zealot....and you know what they say about zealots? - NOBODY likes zealots but themselves and their fellow zealots!
c-i'm getting so FREAKING pissed from hearing about how you're trying to push your ideals and beliefs on others - especially your self professed former ( and i mean former ) best friend - Lollie. I mean, seriously GET OFF HER CASE. You must not have realised this in the 8 years or so that you've known her, that if you keep pushing her like this she's serioulsy gonna go and explode on you one of these days & trust me, it won't be a pretty site. Quiet and generally easy natured people like her are freaking scary when they loose it.
d- My frustation at your cunningness has added to my vocal & yet silent rantings about you and yours. Why do i say you're smart? You're smart becoz so far, you have NOT tried to tell me to convert to christianity. You have NOT tried to make me see that your GOD is my, heck everybody's, savior. You have NOT tried to recite lines straight out of the bible to me. You have NOT said to me that JUDGEMENT day is coming, but when asked further details, can not give a valid answer to save your life. You're smart because you most probably know that if you so much as give me any excuse and shit about all of this hoo-ha, i would have jumped down your throat before you can say Amen! You're smart because, instead, you have chosen to use the silent and indirect approach of doing all those mentioned above to the people around me. You're smart because you've so far managed to still not pressed my GO-APESHIT button... yet!
& Last, but definatley not least is,
My experience yesterday night has totally freaked me out so bad that in one of my momments of madness, i wished something bad would happen to you whilst you're getting brainwashed into being a zealot, that it would shock you right out of it. So that, i can stand there and say HA! i freaking KNEW IT! I'm bad, i know. Am i really your friend? i dont know. Sometimes i think not. Sometimes i really don't. LIke the times when i just can't help but mock you and your msn nicknames, and your latest obsession. Or when i laugh & shake my head with Lollie & Xiao about what you've supposedly said or done some time in the past.
Do friends do that sort of stuff to each other? I feel bad now, as i'm writing this, and a part of me is thinking that maybe i should just press on the 'backspace' button and delete all of these malicious words, for i know that to some extent they will hurt if you do read them. However , the other part is saying " good! i hope she see's this... maybe then, she'll be able to confront me about it so i can really get all this shit off my chest instead of sitting here typing this shit out for only 2 other people who are bothred to read my LJ entries" .
Lollie pretty much said what i've wantedto say about yesterday's experience. I must confess, that before going, i was aprehensive about what to expect. I had thought that maybe my will would be shaken, and that somehow by going and seeing how great it is, i might be just like you. Well i for one am glad that i'm made of sterner stuff than that. I was not taken in by.....
- the welcome! * hug hug * * smile smile smile * * hand shake handshake* & more welcomes from almost everybody....
- the loud buzz and hum of background music and chitta chatta of the young and old, be they caucasian, islander or asian.
- the loud heart stopping ear drum humming sound of the preachers going for minutes on end without takinga breath as they walk up down and across the stage( good enough for a rockconcert) hammering on about how " you are not defined by the defeats of your past "....
- the methods of which they tried to get their followers to give donations to the cause. " credit cards and cheque's to Hillsong are all excepted , just fill out the seperate form..." they said! Don't quote me on all of this, but the message & reason i got from the need to give donations was that ' in order to receive, you must give '.
- the almost trance like state that the people around me had gone into whilst the people on stage were singing and preaching. They all watched in awe and admiration, and hung onto every word that was shouted said.
& most of all
- the hands in the air, some staying mobile & stretched (towards ... the heavens?) whilst some ( like annie's & collin's ) was limply going up and down as the music blared out of the state of the arts speaker systems....
Serioulsy? i could go on for hours and hours about yesterday and the whole annie thing. BUT, because time grows short, and i gotta go do exercise ( xiao says : ur a gronk! ) and work off the guilt & shit i gained from eating a whole loaf of stale taro bread even though i knew it was stale after the first bite....
... i'm gonna end things here. Good night dear LJ readers & hopefully one of them is annie.
ok .. i admit it. i'm all hot air. this is going on private - for friends only viewing.
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25/02/09
i'm un-'privating' this entry because - quite frankly, nearly 2 years down the track ( SHIT it's been that long?! ), i simply don't care whether she ( and other bored and crazy god-hill song- crazies) reads this or not.
- the Mood: bitchy
- the Beat:Jet's " Look What You've Done"
OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG IT'S SO CUTE ... & WHITE!
new phone new phone new phone new phone new phone new phone new phone new phone new phone!!!
new number new number new number new number new number new number new number new number new number !!!
$120 for only $29. $120 for only $29. $120 for only $29. $120 for only $29. $120 for only $29. $120 for only $29. $120 for only $29. $120 for only $29!!!!
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5 minuts later ...
stupid Tran, just totally bursted my bubble ...
- tran dT,Tb ｡ ♪ YUEN SAN says:
LG products don't last
- tran dT,Tb ｡ ♪ YUEN SAN says:
and it's a proven fact
- tran dT,Tb ｡ ♪ YUEN SAN says:
from fones to tvs to fridges to screens to etc
- tran dT,Tb ｡ ♪ YUEN SAN says:
they don't last...
- tran dT,Tb ｡ ♪ YUEN SAN says:
oh you'll regret it
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